So yeah, I've been gone for a month and a half and have to say that it's been a LONG TIME! I've been so busy with life in general (in addition to being sick), but something caught my eye a few minutes ago and I figured that I'd get it out there...
For those of you who are into boxing (or if you're not, who are into seeing two people beat the crap out of each other), the Mayweather/Pacquiao fight is one that you've likley waited for ever since they came into the same professional weight class.
Now it all hangs in the balance over blood... And not blood in the ring, but blood in the lab. So Pacquiao has agreed to take 3 tests. One during the month of announcement of the match, one no later than 30 days before the match and one immediately following the match. Now, if you ask me that seems rather fair... Mayweather's camp wants Pacquiao to be willing to do random testing at any moment leading up to the fight. I don't know about you, but to me it seems like Mayweather is trying to manipulate the fight stipulations to enable him to "randomly" take blood at intervals that make Pacquiao's training difficult. Now, I wouldn't be one to accuse him of doing so, but it just seems to be the visual I'm getting from the scenario.
We'll wait and see what happens.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
[Tech] Motorola Droid...
I'm pretty excited to receive my new phone. I haven't had a new one for two years and it's time to upgrade (I'm currently using a Voyager). My new phone arrives today (on the truck now!) and I'll do a quick little review on the phone once I get back. I'll do the review on my other blog. It's been neglected for far too long (not that THIS one hasn't, right?).
Anywho...
Take care,
B
Anywho...
Take care,
B
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
[Life] So here I am... stranded but not alone.
After a wonderful weekend trip to Montana to visit Julie's family, I feel stranded. Not by her but by life in general. I feel really good emotionally and then I end up with a gutbomb of a choice... Do I try to rent my house out or sell it when Spring comes along and Julie and I move in together? We both own our homes, and her mortgage is MUCH cheaper than mine... But the bottom line is that I definitely wouldn't be able to handle both MY mortgage as well as help with HERS while we're there. We decided that financially it would be the better option (because her mortgage is virtually HALF of what I pay, and I could pretty much in theory pay for everything and still have a lot of money left over at the end of the month), but I'm stuck in a hard place... I love my house... And my brother is renting from me as it is. Unfortunately he cannot afford to rent it for what I'd need (and it's much too large of a house for what he needs by himself).
I guess I'm at a standstill... Stranded between where I am and where I want to be. Life can be very difficult sometimes... I guess I'll figure it out when it comes along, plan for the sale (since that seems to be the direction it's going to end up) and hope that I can work something out with my brother that will allow him to take up the majority of the mortgage payment (I don't mind carrying some of the burden. It is my house after all, and it's an investment to me).
Oh well, my brain is tired...
Take care,
B
I guess I'm at a standstill... Stranded between where I am and where I want to be. Life can be very difficult sometimes... I guess I'll figure it out when it comes along, plan for the sale (since that seems to be the direction it's going to end up) and hope that I can work something out with my brother that will allow him to take up the majority of the mortgage payment (I don't mind carrying some of the burden. It is my house after all, and it's an investment to me).
Oh well, my brain is tired...
Take care,
B
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
[Life] Roof is done, getting back into action
So after a week or so of being out-of-action due to a back injury, I took a day off of work to get my roof completed before Winter decided to pour it's great white goodness (snow, that is... tsk tsk... Dirty mind...) all over my uncovered roof. Luckily the rain held out until I was on my last four or five pieces of roofing. As soon as I closed the door behind me, the monsoon fell for about two and a half days. It was REALLY heavy. All day long I was saying to myself "Come on, just hold out for a few more hours so I can finish this!" as the gray clouds and cool, moist air closed in on the valley.
So I got everything done that day but the four remaining ridge caps and under a few of the eves... Luckily everything was rainproof for the most part (the parts not covered were protected by the pitches and I rolled the top layer of roofing over the ridge and nailed it down on the other side to give some sort of protection in the meantime). Got the roof done completely on Sunday, so now that project is done (although I still have to clean up the mess that's left!).
Pressure is getting a lot better now that the roof is done. Now all I have to do is finish up my coding project and get it sorted out and complete. The last month has been a drag since the people I'm doing this for have had SEVEN MONTHS to get the business and site paperwork completed! I feel like shit telling them "We can't roll this out until you get your paperwork done" after three months of them pushing to get the site done on time. We're now a month overdue (today, actually). The coding is pretty much done other than the payment receipt (Paypal and .Net are a pain in the ass for some reason... Able to get payment but Instant Payment Notification for activating a specific entry in a database is proving to be a bit more than I expected).
Anyways, enough boring stuff!
Take care,
B
So I got everything done that day but the four remaining ridge caps and under a few of the eves... Luckily everything was rainproof for the most part (the parts not covered were protected by the pitches and I rolled the top layer of roofing over the ridge and nailed it down on the other side to give some sort of protection in the meantime). Got the roof done completely on Sunday, so now that project is done (although I still have to clean up the mess that's left!).
Pressure is getting a lot better now that the roof is done. Now all I have to do is finish up my coding project and get it sorted out and complete. The last month has been a drag since the people I'm doing this for have had SEVEN MONTHS to get the business and site paperwork completed! I feel like shit telling them "We can't roll this out until you get your paperwork done" after three months of them pushing to get the site done on time. We're now a month overdue (today, actually). The coding is pretty much done other than the payment receipt (Paypal and .Net are a pain in the ass for some reason... Able to get payment but Instant Payment Notification for activating a specific entry in a database is proving to be a bit more than I expected).
Anyways, enough boring stuff!
Take care,
B
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
[News] [Science] NASA to Bomb the Moon?!
Ok, so the topic of the week is that NASA is planning on "bombing" the moon to try and find water on the south pole... Now, there are two trains of thought here: One is that we could create a minor crator within a crator (that's where they're aiming) and we get some useful data (for WHAT exactly I'm not sure at this point). The other is that it could affect more than just making another simple crator on the moon.
So I'll tackle the second option first, since it's the side of many non-scientific people as well as the initial reaction to most before hearing the information completely:
There are a couple of potential effects that would affect all of us here on Earth. One of which would be the potential affect on the actual moon itself and its orbit around our planet. Now, I'm sure some high-end scientist would likely say "That's highly unlikely."; however, even if its a little bit could not speed up the already distancing of the orbit of the moon? I mean, yes the moon is already moving away from the Earth at about 3.8 cm a year, but do we really need to increase this momentum whatsoever? We have no real idea of what this could do (until we actually do it). Nothing of this scale has been done like this before.
The second potential effect is the backlash of citizens of the planet towards NASA taking it upon themselves to do something that could affect those who have nothing to do with (nor had a choice in) this experiment. For some reason, I think that this is likely to be higher in chance to occur than the first... I'm amazed that more people haven't stepped in and asked NASA "Who the hell do you think you are to just do something like this that could affect the whole planet without getting agreement from the rest of the populous of the planet?"
Now to address the positive side of the event: It's supposed to be pretty cheap (as far as space missions are concerned) and a lot more feasible than spending exponentially more money to send a manned mission back up there. Here's the thing: If it returns ANYTHING, they'll likely send a manned mission up there. Why not send a rover (I mean, we can send one to Mars and that's good enough but it's not good enough to send to the moon?) instead of an empty satellite to crash into the surface? Could a rover not do the work in a less destructive manner?
Anyways, back to the positive... We can find out if there is water within the moon's soil. Now, "Why does this matter?" you might ask. Well, there are a couple of reasons. The first is that if there is a water source, it would make creating an established "space station" on the surface as there would be a source of water to make use of. If we can establish a space station on the moon to launch further exploration missions from, we can use much smaller rockets to obtain the same distance from the Earth. Earth has a nice little bubble we call the atmosphere that makes it actually quite difficult to break free of (not to mention the gravity) using rockets. This saves money in the long run as far as space exploration is concerned. My question to this would be: If the moon is bombarded with various debris ranging from the size "from smaller than a grain of sand to a basketball" and with no atmosphere to shield this space station from how can they even plan whatsoever to defend against these objects should they strike the moon at the location of the space station? Wouldn't anything man-made just be absolutely destroyed by these objects?
I'll leave you with that thought.
Take care,
B
(For more information on the mission, visit NASA's website at http://www.nasa.gov. For the FAQ on the mission, visit http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/LCROSS/FAQs/index.html)
So I'll tackle the second option first, since it's the side of many non-scientific people as well as the initial reaction to most before hearing the information completely:
There are a couple of potential effects that would affect all of us here on Earth. One of which would be the potential affect on the actual moon itself and its orbit around our planet. Now, I'm sure some high-end scientist would likely say "That's highly unlikely."; however, even if its a little bit could not speed up the already distancing of the orbit of the moon? I mean, yes the moon is already moving away from the Earth at about 3.8 cm a year, but do we really need to increase this momentum whatsoever? We have no real idea of what this could do (until we actually do it). Nothing of this scale has been done like this before.
The second potential effect is the backlash of citizens of the planet towards NASA taking it upon themselves to do something that could affect those who have nothing to do with (nor had a choice in) this experiment. For some reason, I think that this is likely to be higher in chance to occur than the first... I'm amazed that more people haven't stepped in and asked NASA "Who the hell do you think you are to just do something like this that could affect the whole planet without getting agreement from the rest of the populous of the planet?"
Now to address the positive side of the event: It's supposed to be pretty cheap (as far as space missions are concerned) and a lot more feasible than spending exponentially more money to send a manned mission back up there. Here's the thing: If it returns ANYTHING, they'll likely send a manned mission up there. Why not send a rover (I mean, we can send one to Mars and that's good enough but it's not good enough to send to the moon?) instead of an empty satellite to crash into the surface? Could a rover not do the work in a less destructive manner?
Anyways, back to the positive... We can find out if there is water within the moon's soil. Now, "Why does this matter?" you might ask. Well, there are a couple of reasons. The first is that if there is a water source, it would make creating an established "space station" on the surface as there would be a source of water to make use of. If we can establish a space station on the moon to launch further exploration missions from, we can use much smaller rockets to obtain the same distance from the Earth. Earth has a nice little bubble we call the atmosphere that makes it actually quite difficult to break free of (not to mention the gravity) using rockets. This saves money in the long run as far as space exploration is concerned. My question to this would be: If the moon is bombarded with various debris ranging from the size "from smaller than a grain of sand to a basketball" and with no atmosphere to shield this space station from how can they even plan whatsoever to defend against these objects should they strike the moon at the location of the space station? Wouldn't anything man-made just be absolutely destroyed by these objects?
I'll leave you with that thought.
Take care,
B
(For more information on the mission, visit NASA's website at http://www.nasa.gov. For the FAQ on the mission, visit http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/LCROSS/FAQs/index.html)
Monday, September 14, 2009
Tired and Worn... The Life of an Overachiever
So yeah... I'm about 40% done with the replacement of my roof (shake to shingle)... I have to say I'm tired as hell. To top this off I have my extra project coming to a head in the next week (thank goodness... I'm getting about ready for this to be over).
Anyways, once I get a break from all of these extra jobs and projects I'll be able to actually post more frequently than every 2-4 weeks! I HOPE!
Take care,
B
Anyways, once I get a break from all of these extra jobs and projects I'll be able to actually post more frequently than every 2-4 weeks! I HOPE!
Take care,
B
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
[Politics] Deficit Schmeficit!!
Well,
I've been rather quiet for quite some time lately going through the ins and outs of life and experiencing things that I had never planned for. Something that has bothered me for far too long and is now starting to "catch up" or "build up" to the point that something MUST be said...
Ok, so the United States national debt is sitting at a cool 7.4 TRILLION dollars right now... That's great. Our government gives absolutely no shit (excuse the language) about its people. I'm not the first person to say this and I won't be the last. We've screwed up. We've put people in place for the last 100 years that have caused so much damage to our country that we'll likely never see a reprieve from it.
To top it off, we've voted in a wolf in sheep's clothing into our White House (as we ALWAYS do) thinking that the crap that they say to get elected is EVER going to get done... Lo and behold, guess what? Estimation for the national debt over the next decade due to all of these fantastic changes in government? 9 Trillion dollars. Ok... So wait... The almighty messiah that was sent from "God" to save the United States from our wicked ways of spending and eliminating checks and balances is going to double the national debt within a decade? A HUNDRED YEARS OF DEBT DOUBLED IN A TENTH THE TIME? This is ridiculous, and this infuriates me. I didn't vote for the guy, do I get a pass on all of the damage he's doing? Hell no I don't.
Until we open our damned eyes and see that this two party "good ol' boy" system isn't going to work we're doomed to deal with these bullshit con-artists that we call politicians. Sure, they give the illusion that the government was created by us; however, the federal government is slowly and sneakily taking away our freedoms to defend ourselves against this building tyrant of government... Tenth amendment? I don't think so... They've already neutered that one because people let them build their own interpretation of it instead of reading it for what it said... Too many people think they can "interpret" the intentions of the Constitution and all they do is bungle it up... The Constitution was put in place to PROTECT US, and these idiots (the voters) are throwing away our own rights given to us to protect us from this.
At first, I thought "Well, whatever. Let's hope he's at least in the middle of where he says he's going to be and where others say he's going to be." Well, guess what... Same snake, different head.
The next thing we'll hear is that the President has suspended elections for an indeterminate amount of time (and yes... he can do this thanks to you idiots voting for the Great American Patriot Act).
Oh, and that health care that you all wanted? Uhh... Yeah... If it's so fantastic, why are their loopholes so that congressmen and the President himself are not required to use it instead of the 100,000 dollar visits to medical clinics and hospitals that house the greatest doctors in the country (which, by the way, the majority of you out there will NEVER be able to go to because they don't deal with us measly "Worker Bees")? It's SO awesome, the people putting it in place don't even want it. Does that not show you something?!
Stop being cowards and stop being sheep... Stop following a party line just because you think that you are Republican or Democrat... Start thinking for YOURSELF and not for what you think everyone else should have. Voting is not to choose what you think is best for everyone else... It's about choosing what you would like FOR YOURSELF. Taxes to help the poor here? AWESOME... Taxes for ANOTHER COUNTRY'S poor? Piss off.
I'm willing to pay taxes for the benefits I receive as a citizen, but now you're stepping on my toes, standing nose to nose while my back is against a fence and behind you is an empty lot and asking ME to give YOU room... No. I don't think so.
Sorry, I usually don't vent out like that; however, this is absolutely absurd and no one in my little world cares about any of this... Why does it matter when you're going to die and not have to deal with it anyways right?
Take care,
B
I've been rather quiet for quite some time lately going through the ins and outs of life and experiencing things that I had never planned for. Something that has bothered me for far too long and is now starting to "catch up" or "build up" to the point that something MUST be said...
Ok, so the United States national debt is sitting at a cool 7.4 TRILLION dollars right now... That's great. Our government gives absolutely no shit (excuse the language) about its people. I'm not the first person to say this and I won't be the last. We've screwed up. We've put people in place for the last 100 years that have caused so much damage to our country that we'll likely never see a reprieve from it.
To top it off, we've voted in a wolf in sheep's clothing into our White House (as we ALWAYS do) thinking that the crap that they say to get elected is EVER going to get done... Lo and behold, guess what? Estimation for the national debt over the next decade due to all of these fantastic changes in government? 9 Trillion dollars. Ok... So wait... The almighty messiah that was sent from "God" to save the United States from our wicked ways of spending and eliminating checks and balances is going to double the national debt within a decade? A HUNDRED YEARS OF DEBT DOUBLED IN A TENTH THE TIME? This is ridiculous, and this infuriates me. I didn't vote for the guy, do I get a pass on all of the damage he's doing? Hell no I don't.
Until we open our damned eyes and see that this two party "good ol' boy" system isn't going to work we're doomed to deal with these bullshit con-artists that we call politicians. Sure, they give the illusion that the government was created by us; however, the federal government is slowly and sneakily taking away our freedoms to defend ourselves against this building tyrant of government... Tenth amendment? I don't think so... They've already neutered that one because people let them build their own interpretation of it instead of reading it for what it said... Too many people think they can "interpret" the intentions of the Constitution and all they do is bungle it up... The Constitution was put in place to PROTECT US, and these idiots (the voters) are throwing away our own rights given to us to protect us from this.
At first, I thought "Well, whatever. Let's hope he's at least in the middle of where he says he's going to be and where others say he's going to be." Well, guess what... Same snake, different head.
The next thing we'll hear is that the President has suspended elections for an indeterminate amount of time (and yes... he can do this thanks to you idiots voting for the Great American Patriot Act).
Oh, and that health care that you all wanted? Uhh... Yeah... If it's so fantastic, why are their loopholes so that congressmen and the President himself are not required to use it instead of the 100,000 dollar visits to medical clinics and hospitals that house the greatest doctors in the country (which, by the way, the majority of you out there will NEVER be able to go to because they don't deal with us measly "Worker Bees")? It's SO awesome, the people putting it in place don't even want it. Does that not show you something?!
Stop being cowards and stop being sheep... Stop following a party line just because you think that you are Republican or Democrat... Start thinking for YOURSELF and not for what you think everyone else should have. Voting is not to choose what you think is best for everyone else... It's about choosing what you would like FOR YOURSELF. Taxes to help the poor here? AWESOME... Taxes for ANOTHER COUNTRY'S poor? Piss off.
I'm willing to pay taxes for the benefits I receive as a citizen, but now you're stepping on my toes, standing nose to nose while my back is against a fence and behind you is an empty lot and asking ME to give YOU room... No. I don't think so.
Sorry, I usually don't vent out like that; however, this is absolutely absurd and no one in my little world cares about any of this... Why does it matter when you're going to die and not have to deal with it anyways right?
Take care,
B
Monday, August 10, 2009
An Unfortunate Turn of Events
Well, we went for our 9 week appointment today and got some bad news. We lost the baby about about 1-2 weeks ago though it hadn't yet miscarried. We are both saddened by the loss of our potential child, but are happy to know that we can even have children at this point. Once the coast is clear, we'll try again. It is not without a heavy heart that I post this, as have a child is one of the few things in life that I've wanted from a very young age. I have no doubt that we'll be ok, but the sadness is still fresh which weighs heavily upon me.
Julie was pretty wrecked about the loss, as was I, but we're looking forward and taking it for what it is. All things happen for a reason, and obviously there was something wrong with the way the embryo was growing that caused this.
As soon as I have more positive information I'll be happy to post it, though I feel it will likely be after we're out of the "danger zone" once we're pregnant again. I'd hate to have to yell out that I'm going to have a child again (even though that's what I want to!) and end up losing another. 1/5 is only 20% chance... So that means next time we'll have an 80% chance of success, just like any other time. We will maintain a positive outlook on this and hope for the best. Thank you for sharing something that has been so special to me.
Take care,
B
Julie was pretty wrecked about the loss, as was I, but we're looking forward and taking it for what it is. All things happen for a reason, and obviously there was something wrong with the way the embryo was growing that caused this.
As soon as I have more positive information I'll be happy to post it, though I feel it will likely be after we're out of the "danger zone" once we're pregnant again. I'd hate to have to yell out that I'm going to have a child again (even though that's what I want to!) and end up losing another. 1/5 is only 20% chance... So that means next time we'll have an 80% chance of success, just like any other time. We will maintain a positive outlook on this and hope for the best. Thank you for sharing something that has been so special to me.
Take care,
B
Sunday, August 9, 2009
And So Month 3 Begins...
Julie and I have been pregnant for two months now and I'm still as excited as the day we found out together. Along with the joy has come some difficulties, but hardly anything to write about I suppose. We're spending more time together which is a great thing, for sure, and my love for her is greater each time we are even near each other.
Tomorrow is our 9 week appointment and we'll get to see our growing baby for the second time. Of course our families are filled with joy and are actively helping us prepare for the newborn. We haven't even made it out of the first trimester and we've already accumulated (or will soon) two car seats (one for each of us... THAT will be a help), a stroller and a high chair. Julie has been researching cribs and bassinets, which has brought her a lot of happiness.
One of the hardest things at this time is the projects I have been doing outside of work which has taken quality time from our relationship. I have made the decision to not let this get in the way of our love for one another and the experience of pregnancy as a father and lover.
I'm truly blessed that I've found someone who is as excited about life in general as I am (and maybe even more so, which helps me when my mood is down). Perhaps one day she'll happen upon this blog and see that none of my thoughts have gone unnoticed and that my heart has not gone untouched by the things that I am sharing with her.
I suppose that's all I have to write at the moment. I'm sure I'll have more to post later. I've already registered a domain name for a site to chronologize the growth, birth and life of our baby. Some work on the design of the site has been done; however, I look forward to including Julie in her ideas on what she'd like to see as far as content and looks for the final result. Anyways, time for bed...
Take care,
B
Tomorrow is our 9 week appointment and we'll get to see our growing baby for the second time. Of course our families are filled with joy and are actively helping us prepare for the newborn. We haven't even made it out of the first trimester and we've already accumulated (or will soon) two car seats (one for each of us... THAT will be a help), a stroller and a high chair. Julie has been researching cribs and bassinets, which has brought her a lot of happiness.
One of the hardest things at this time is the projects I have been doing outside of work which has taken quality time from our relationship. I have made the decision to not let this get in the way of our love for one another and the experience of pregnancy as a father and lover.
I'm truly blessed that I've found someone who is as excited about life in general as I am (and maybe even more so, which helps me when my mood is down). Perhaps one day she'll happen upon this blog and see that none of my thoughts have gone unnoticed and that my heart has not gone untouched by the things that I am sharing with her.
I suppose that's all I have to write at the moment. I'm sure I'll have more to post later. I've already registered a domain name for a site to chronologize the growth, birth and life of our baby. Some work on the design of the site has been done; however, I look forward to including Julie in her ideas on what she'd like to see as far as content and looks for the final result. Anyways, time for bed...
Take care,
B
Monday, July 27, 2009
Life As We Know It
Life as we know it just got better... They had a little picture of the bubble in Julie's womb. You can actually see the limb buds and the tail. Pretty freaky if you ask me, but exciting nonetheless. :)
Anywho, I'll try to keep posting to keep an up to date log of what's happening. Julie wants me to make a website solely for the pregnancy (which I imagine will turn into a family site with updates of the family as the baby grows). Perhaps once I get done with it I'll post a link to it, so all of you bored enough to look at my posts can go look at it.
Take care,
B
Anywho, I'll try to keep posting to keep an up to date log of what's happening. Julie wants me to make a website solely for the pregnancy (which I imagine will turn into a family site with updates of the family as the baby grows). Perhaps once I get done with it I'll post a link to it, so all of you bored enough to look at my posts can go look at it.
Take care,
B
Monday, July 13, 2009
Welcome Back to Normal Life
Well, I'm now back to my new routine and I'm two weeks into my next adventure! I have a bunch of fun pictures (don't worry, the link won't make you sign up for anything if you don't want to... and if you do, it's just Facebook) from my trip with Julie through Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Utah, Wyoming and Montana. It was a blast and I got to see a lot of beautiful things!
Photo Album Here
Anyways, so after a much needed rest I went head first into work today and worked my butt off. :) As ALL good employees should! I'll be sure to post some cool techie stuff on my other blog since it's been a VERY long time and then this blog will become a breeding ground for information and thoughts on my previously mentioned adventure...
I'm going to be a dad! I'm very excited and thrilled about it, and after three months of trying Julie and I have our first shot at pregnancy. I certainly hope that in March I will be face to face with my very own child. We have our first appointment next month (9 weeker, for you that know) and we're both ecstatic. I'm very happy that I've been given this opportunity and the love that Julie and I share is amazing which will make this experience even that more moving for me.
Julie doesn't even know I have a blog... Or likely what a blog is... But if she ever finds it, I want her to know how much I love her and how proud I am to be having a child with her. Thank you for being the other half of my heart and showing me the other side of things when I sometimes need it.
Take care for now,
B
Photo Album Here
Anyways, so after a much needed rest I went head first into work today and worked my butt off. :) As ALL good employees should! I'll be sure to post some cool techie stuff on my other blog since it's been a VERY long time and then this blog will become a breeding ground for information and thoughts on my previously mentioned adventure...
I'm going to be a dad! I'm very excited and thrilled about it, and after three months of trying Julie and I have our first shot at pregnancy. I certainly hope that in March I will be face to face with my very own child. We have our first appointment next month (9 weeker, for you that know) and we're both ecstatic. I'm very happy that I've been given this opportunity and the love that Julie and I share is amazing which will make this experience even that more moving for me.
Julie doesn't even know I have a blog... Or likely what a blog is... But if she ever finds it, I want her to know how much I love her and how proud I am to be having a child with her. Thank you for being the other half of my heart and showing me the other side of things when I sometimes need it.
Take care for now,
B
Thursday, July 2, 2009
2009 Road Trip Round 1
The trip down to California was a blast. HOT, but a blast. We drove down through the Central portion of the state and went West just short of the Columbia river (Since we live right by the Columbia, we were basically parallel with the river on the way down, although we were quite some ways away at points due to the highways and their directions).
We passed beside St. Helens, which was a pretty awesome site to see even at the distance from the highway. The highway is rather skinny right here, so I was lucky enough to find a pull-off to take the shot, although I had to time the traffic right in order to keep from getting smooshed!
So I've been back for a couple of days and have recouped from the 18 hour drive back home. The extra 4 hours spent by going towards the coast first was both horrible as well as well spent. The last four hours of the trip were a drain on my energy, but the four hours I spent on the coast in the cool air during the hottest part of the day definitely made it worth it.
After driving out towards the coast and driving about two hours north, we reached the ocean shore. Unfortunately there wasn't much life out there other than people and the waves... I didn't come to see people, so I watched the waves a bit with my brother. As the waves bounced in and out off of the shore sand we stretched our legs and enjoyed the little bit of relief from the nasty-hot weather we dealt with on the way down and while we were in California.
After the ocean, we had to travel through some rather twisty and turning highways (those of us who are from CA know this as the Pacific Coast Highway. The rest of you know it as highway 101).
Here are the shots of the Redwood Forest:
We passed beside St. Helens, which was a pretty awesome site to see even at the distance from the highway. The highway is rather skinny right here, so I was lucky enough to find a pull-off to take the shot, although I had to time the traffic right in order to keep from getting smooshed!
So I've been back for a couple of days and have recouped from the 18 hour drive back home. The extra 4 hours spent by going towards the coast first was both horrible as well as well spent. The last four hours of the trip were a drain on my energy, but the four hours I spent on the coast in the cool air during the hottest part of the day definitely made it worth it.
After driving out towards the coast and driving about two hours north, we reached the ocean shore. Unfortunately there wasn't much life out there other than people and the waves... I didn't come to see people, so I watched the waves a bit with my brother. As the waves bounced in and out off of the shore sand we stretched our legs and enjoyed the little bit of relief from the nasty-hot weather we dealt with on the way down and while we were in California.
After the ocean, we had to travel through some rather twisty and turning highways (those of us who are from CA know this as the Pacific Coast Highway. The rest of you know it as highway 101).
Here are the shots of the Redwood Forest:
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Busy busy busy
Well, it seems that the last month or two have been VERY busy for me (between work at work, work at home and getting things done in general), so I've been away for far too long.
My life is going very good right now, and I'm very pleased with the direction it's going. My heart is full of the joy of love and my soul is filled with happiness. I'll be going to visit my family in CA at the end of the week and then going for a vacation with my dear Julie.
Our vacation is going to be quite the expedition! We're going down to Utah to visit some friends over the 4th weekend and then driving up to Montana to see family. I suppose I SHOULD be stressed out about meeting her family, but surprisingly I'm not. I'm content and satiated with life. Not many times I've been able to say that for a long time now.
Anyways, I'll be sure to put up some photos of the trip(s) when I get back!
Take care,
B
My life is going very good right now, and I'm very pleased with the direction it's going. My heart is full of the joy of love and my soul is filled with happiness. I'll be going to visit my family in CA at the end of the week and then going for a vacation with my dear Julie.
Our vacation is going to be quite the expedition! We're going down to Utah to visit some friends over the 4th weekend and then driving up to Montana to see family. I suppose I SHOULD be stressed out about meeting her family, but surprisingly I'm not. I'm content and satiated with life. Not many times I've been able to say that for a long time now.
Anyways, I'll be sure to put up some photos of the trip(s) when I get back!
Take care,
B
Friday, May 1, 2009
[Security] Security Metrics (securitymetrics.com) seem to be the bane of all that is PCI compliance.
Let me start this off by explaining that my opinions expressed in my blog are in no way, shape or form affiliated with my employer. I know it should go without saying, but in this ridiculous day and age of "PC" and "be-nice-dom" I feel that it's just more safe to say up front that a) this has nothing to do with how I approach my clients, customers or my employer and b) I could care less if you like what I have to say. If I say something that makes someone a bit eerie over it well I can only say "Tough. This is my opinion."
That said, let's get into my rant!
Security Metrics has been the worst PCI compliance experience I have EVER had. Having had to deal with these guys for just over a year I have had to jump through hoop after hoop. It's amazing that "red flags" pop up on EVERY scan even if the previous scan was either successful or manually passed due to false positives. Now they are claiming that I'm blocking their scanner, when NOTHING has changed on the firewall config that would affect their ability to scan our system.
So for 2009, May 1... Security Metrics, you are the first company to qualify for my personal "Shitty Customer Service and Exploitation Award" for 2009. Let's hope someone doesn't overtake this nominee... They're horrible.
I've experienced much less pain in my life (like tearing all of the tendons in my shoulder playing football on the concrete... Or ruining my PCL in a bicycle accident at age 6-7... Or being shot in the chest at 15). At least when I experienced THOSE incidences of pain I knew I was being screwed over and by who. These Security Metrics guys are ridiculous.
I'm going to be gone for a couple of days to go for a trip with my girl. I'll be sure to take some pictures and post them and a little message (pffft... little. Riiiight, right? :) ) when I get back.
Take care,
B
That said, let's get into my rant!
Security Metrics has been the worst PCI compliance experience I have EVER had. Having had to deal with these guys for just over a year I have had to jump through hoop after hoop. It's amazing that "red flags" pop up on EVERY scan even if the previous scan was either successful or manually passed due to false positives. Now they are claiming that I'm blocking their scanner, when NOTHING has changed on the firewall config that would affect their ability to scan our system.
So for 2009, May 1... Security Metrics, you are the first company to qualify for my personal "Shitty Customer Service and Exploitation Award" for 2009. Let's hope someone doesn't overtake this nominee... They're horrible.
I've experienced much less pain in my life (like tearing all of the tendons in my shoulder playing football on the concrete... Or ruining my PCL in a bicycle accident at age 6-7... Or being shot in the chest at 15). At least when I experienced THOSE incidences of pain I knew I was being screwed over and by who. These Security Metrics guys are ridiculous.
I'm going to be gone for a couple of days to go for a trip with my girl. I'll be sure to take some pictures and post them and a little message (pffft... little. Riiiight, right? :) ) when I get back.
Take care,
B
Monday, April 27, 2009
[Life] Wow... It's been five weeks?
All I have to do is say WOW. It's been five weeks since my last post on either of my two blogs and I have to say that I'm both ashamed and pleased that I could keep away! :P (It's actually been close to 7 or 8 for this one).
Anyways, life has been really good lately and I have approached my girl about participating in my "Meeting of the Minds" podcast idea for here on the blog. Perhaps I'll even create an actual website! Who knows. My time is so taken up with most things that I just go crazy and say "Ok, this time is MINE. I'm doing NOTHING."
On a side note, my girl and I are doing VERY well. She is such a blessing to have in my life and she always thinks of me. I've always thought it was a lame "line" to say that someone makes you want to improve yourself... To "be a better person" so to speak, but I have to say that I now understand this. She makes me want to be more than what I already am and she encourages it (Yes, Dinamo, it's the same gal... Looks like we were both right :P).
Since I don't like to use others words to explain my own thoughts, I'll leave you with my own words of wisdom (if you can call them that...):
Do not live life for those around you. Live life for yourself and that in turn should make those around you happy. If living your life for yourself does not make them happy, then they are not your friends. This doesn't mean that you should be selfish... This means that you should realize that YOU are the one who dies at the end of your life and as such YOU should live YOUR own life, love those around you as THEY live THEIR own lives, and you will be rewarded with the greatest thing you can achieve: happiness.
Take care,
B
Anyways, life has been really good lately and I have approached my girl about participating in my "Meeting of the Minds" podcast idea for here on the blog. Perhaps I'll even create an actual website! Who knows. My time is so taken up with most things that I just go crazy and say "Ok, this time is MINE. I'm doing NOTHING."
On a side note, my girl and I are doing VERY well. She is such a blessing to have in my life and she always thinks of me. I've always thought it was a lame "line" to say that someone makes you want to improve yourself... To "be a better person" so to speak, but I have to say that I now understand this. She makes me want to be more than what I already am and she encourages it (Yes, Dinamo, it's the same gal... Looks like we were both right :P).
Since I don't like to use others words to explain my own thoughts, I'll leave you with my own words of wisdom (if you can call them that...):
Do not live life for those around you. Live life for yourself and that in turn should make those around you happy. If living your life for yourself does not make them happy, then they are not your friends. This doesn't mean that you should be selfish... This means that you should realize that YOU are the one who dies at the end of your life and as such YOU should live YOUR own life, love those around you as THEY live THEIR own lives, and you will be rewarded with the greatest thing you can achieve: happiness.
Take care,
B
Monday, March 2, 2009
This week we mourn the loss of two great men.
This weekend the radio world suffered a loss that millions of Americans will feel and the rest will never understand. Paul Harvey Sr. passed away this weekend in a Phoenix hospital. Just short of a year past the date of the passing of his wife (May 3, 2008), it's no wonder that they were meant to be together. They were married for 68 years before her passing, and I have no doubt that his body likely gave up after the loss... Ready to pass onto whatever was next to relieve some of the grief and once again be with his Angel.
I remember hearing his voice as a youth and thinking "This guy is really cool... He seems to know EVERYTHING!" I have pondered several times over the last year whether nor not the Paul Harvey I was hearing was actually a recording (knowing of his illness and just learning of his wife passing), noting that there were more and more guest speakers including his son, Paul Harvey Jr. (Paul Aurandt, Jr).
Outside of the public world, the second great man celebrated today is Terry Nowka. It has been a year since his passing and his wake has still been seen in those who knew him. He was a friend's father, and I had the pleasure of having him as a friend all the way up until he passed away due to pancreatic cancer last year (I still have his memorial program in my car visor, to remind me to enjoy life and remember that you can never know what is going to happen... If it's not big enough to end life, it's not big enough to worry about so much that you ruin your life over it).
Today is his 1 year memorial, and it's a shame that I had plans set up before. I WILL be going, I just won't be able to stay the whole time.
Terry, know that all of the people you have touched will forever hold a place in their hearts for you. Karla (wife) and Mica (daughter), I've been there with you through the hard parts. I'm sorry you have lost the most important man in your lives. It makes me smile to think that the two of you can be truly happy again.
Take care.
B
I remember hearing his voice as a youth and thinking "This guy is really cool... He seems to know EVERYTHING!" I have pondered several times over the last year whether nor not the Paul Harvey I was hearing was actually a recording (knowing of his illness and just learning of his wife passing), noting that there were more and more guest speakers including his son, Paul Harvey Jr. (Paul Aurandt, Jr).
Outside of the public world, the second great man celebrated today is Terry Nowka. It has been a year since his passing and his wake has still been seen in those who knew him. He was a friend's father, and I had the pleasure of having him as a friend all the way up until he passed away due to pancreatic cancer last year (I still have his memorial program in my car visor, to remind me to enjoy life and remember that you can never know what is going to happen... If it's not big enough to end life, it's not big enough to worry about so much that you ruin your life over it).
Today is his 1 year memorial, and it's a shame that I had plans set up before. I WILL be going, I just won't be able to stay the whole time.
Terry, know that all of the people you have touched will forever hold a place in their hearts for you. Karla (wife) and Mica (daughter), I've been there with you through the hard parts. I'm sorry you have lost the most important man in your lives. It makes me smile to think that the two of you can be truly happy again.
Take care.
B
Thursday, February 19, 2009
[Security] PCI Compliance SUCKS
Ok, so basically I was going to post something here about PCI (Payment Card Industry Security Standard Council) compliance, but it turned out more into a helpful post that provided some assistance that is apparently not out there. You can view this post by going to my other site.
The basic gist of it is that attempting to become PCI compliant in the first place was a task and continuing to keep up with their requirements has proven not to be a difficult thing to DO, just a difficult thing to keep up with. The changes can sometimes come swiftly and in bursts and the companies that are PCI compliance certified scanners use commercial scanning products (such as Nessus which is available for free for home use as well as commercial use without the update feed, or OpenVAS which is open source much like Nessus was before they went commercial). The problem with this is that there are still false positives for security measures... This causes a lot of unneeded stress to be sure!
Anyways, enough boring crap. Go to my site if you want to read about it or if you need help with your "SSL weak cipher" failures for your PCI compliance.
Take care,
B
The basic gist of it is that attempting to become PCI compliant in the first place was a task and continuing to keep up with their requirements has proven not to be a difficult thing to DO, just a difficult thing to keep up with. The changes can sometimes come swiftly and in bursts and the companies that are PCI compliance certified scanners use commercial scanning products (such as Nessus which is available for free for home use as well as commercial use without the update feed, or OpenVAS which is open source much like Nessus was before they went commercial). The problem with this is that there are still false positives for security measures... This causes a lot of unneeded stress to be sure!
Anyways, enough boring crap. Go to my site if you want to read about it or if you need help with your "SSL weak cipher" failures for your PCI compliance.
Take care,
B
Monday, January 19, 2009
[Life] Is Good.
Even with the ups and downs of everyday living, it seems that life is good...
I've never felt more stable than at this point in my life. Emotionally, Physically, Mentally and Spiritually. For a long time I had struggled with the whole gamut of stability in most of those areas (all but mentally. Somehow I've managed to keep my sanity through it all), and there have been many times where one or two of them have been balanced with each other but out of balance with the others... We all know that that can cause instability in one's self. The instability that causes "the world to come crashing down around us."
Emotionally I'm doing fantastic for the most part. Sometimes a little crazy in my pursuit of happiness and oneness, but all in all fantastic. To know that there are others out there that take your own lead at acceptance regardless of circumstances and share that same gift with you is an important one. I believe that it is important to love and accept those around you for who they are today... Not who they were, who they could have been or who they could be in the future. It's been a hard, long road to build up that kind of acceptance and love but well worth the travel. The older I get, the further along this road I walk... Eventually maybe I'll find complete peace within myself and the lovely quartet will balance and I'll be able to complete my life cycle feeling accomplished. I certainly have hope.
I still miss the lost love I had, but the act of her going off to date one of my friends that I had had from high school really kind of pushed me out of the realm of giving a shit anymore. I had intended on proclaiming myself upon returning from my trip to California. To tell her that I was still in love with her and to tell her that the talks we'd had had made an impact on me and that rationally what I wanted was her... She greeted me with this news and asked for my blessing. I told her that it was none of my business and that I just wanted her happy. This was a tough day for me, and now that I think about it I start to feel sorrow for waiting the five days I was gone to tell her this. I guess it was actually the best thing to happen for me because letting it go really made me feel a lot better about myself. It's been a long two years (or near there) and I needed to finally let go because she "wanted me but didn't want me" and that's not enough for me. I need a lover and someone who wants to be a part of my life, not run my life. I haven't had a chance to tell her any of my true feelings about this because I chose to separate myself from the situation as I know how my friend is with exes of his girlfriends... He's jealous and controlling. An unfortunate series of situations for her, but perhaps they may make each other happy. Tiffany, I will always love you and I'm sorry for the way things have gone; however, as I've always told you... People come into your life for a reason and when that reason is served they wane out. Thank you for spending the time we had together with me. A large portion of my heart will always belong to you, but in time perhaps that portion will not hurt so much. Losing my best friend was the worst thing to happen to me in my life.
Physically I've been in better shape, but I'm doing well. Ever the self-critical asshole, I had never seemed to accept myself for who I was. Never happy but so emotionally depressed that I didn't feel I could do anything about it... I'm done with that shit and I'm done wallowing around and being complacent with my murky life. That's not the person I am and not the person I want to be.
Spiritually I've struggled for many, many years to try and figure out how and where and who and why... It wasn't until I decided to give up trying and just let things happen as they do that I became spiritually content. I have definitively decided that there IS a creator, but what or who that creator is is beyond comprehension to the nth degree and anyone claiming to know based on things written by man are welcome to do so at their own expense and not mine own. I have accepted my life and am here for a reason. Call it survival of the fittest or creative design... Call it karma or dogma... It doesn't matter as it's all one and the same thing: Life. We may live in a perfectly monotonous solar system, surrounded by millions more of the same... Life flourishing and worshiping and wondering about us and how far WE'VE come along... Or we could be unique. Alone amidst the stars and planets and galaxies and universes... Made by a single being with all of the intent of an ant colony. Doomed to be controlled and unhappy for eternity or free and clear for that same time period. Who knows? I'll not pretend to know the answer... I am taking life as it comes.
So now that I've rambled and likely scared away the two people who actually come to visit, I'll part with the blog and perhaps return tomorrow. I'd really like to start writing every day, but I don't see that happening with how many things I've got going on all at once right now. Busy bees are happy bees.
Take care.
I've never felt more stable than at this point in my life. Emotionally, Physically, Mentally and Spiritually. For a long time I had struggled with the whole gamut of stability in most of those areas (all but mentally. Somehow I've managed to keep my sanity through it all), and there have been many times where one or two of them have been balanced with each other but out of balance with the others... We all know that that can cause instability in one's self. The instability that causes "the world to come crashing down around us."
Emotionally I'm doing fantastic for the most part. Sometimes a little crazy in my pursuit of happiness and oneness, but all in all fantastic. To know that there are others out there that take your own lead at acceptance regardless of circumstances and share that same gift with you is an important one. I believe that it is important to love and accept those around you for who they are today... Not who they were, who they could have been or who they could be in the future. It's been a hard, long road to build up that kind of acceptance and love but well worth the travel. The older I get, the further along this road I walk... Eventually maybe I'll find complete peace within myself and the lovely quartet will balance and I'll be able to complete my life cycle feeling accomplished. I certainly have hope.
I still miss the lost love I had, but the act of her going off to date one of my friends that I had had from high school really kind of pushed me out of the realm of giving a shit anymore. I had intended on proclaiming myself upon returning from my trip to California. To tell her that I was still in love with her and to tell her that the talks we'd had had made an impact on me and that rationally what I wanted was her... She greeted me with this news and asked for my blessing. I told her that it was none of my business and that I just wanted her happy. This was a tough day for me, and now that I think about it I start to feel sorrow for waiting the five days I was gone to tell her this. I guess it was actually the best thing to happen for me because letting it go really made me feel a lot better about myself. It's been a long two years (or near there) and I needed to finally let go because she "wanted me but didn't want me" and that's not enough for me. I need a lover and someone who wants to be a part of my life, not run my life. I haven't had a chance to tell her any of my true feelings about this because I chose to separate myself from the situation as I know how my friend is with exes of his girlfriends... He's jealous and controlling. An unfortunate series of situations for her, but perhaps they may make each other happy. Tiffany, I will always love you and I'm sorry for the way things have gone; however, as I've always told you... People come into your life for a reason and when that reason is served they wane out. Thank you for spending the time we had together with me. A large portion of my heart will always belong to you, but in time perhaps that portion will not hurt so much. Losing my best friend was the worst thing to happen to me in my life.
Physically I've been in better shape, but I'm doing well. Ever the self-critical asshole, I had never seemed to accept myself for who I was. Never happy but so emotionally depressed that I didn't feel I could do anything about it... I'm done with that shit and I'm done wallowing around and being complacent with my murky life. That's not the person I am and not the person I want to be.
Spiritually I've struggled for many, many years to try and figure out how and where and who and why... It wasn't until I decided to give up trying and just let things happen as they do that I became spiritually content. I have definitively decided that there IS a creator, but what or who that creator is is beyond comprehension to the nth degree and anyone claiming to know based on things written by man are welcome to do so at their own expense and not mine own. I have accepted my life and am here for a reason. Call it survival of the fittest or creative design... Call it karma or dogma... It doesn't matter as it's all one and the same thing: Life. We may live in a perfectly monotonous solar system, surrounded by millions more of the same... Life flourishing and worshiping and wondering about us and how far WE'VE come along... Or we could be unique. Alone amidst the stars and planets and galaxies and universes... Made by a single being with all of the intent of an ant colony. Doomed to be controlled and unhappy for eternity or free and clear for that same time period. Who knows? I'll not pretend to know the answer... I am taking life as it comes.
So now that I've rambled and likely scared away the two people who actually come to visit, I'll part with the blog and perhaps return tomorrow. I'd really like to start writing every day, but I don't see that happening with how many things I've got going on all at once right now. Busy bees are happy bees.
Take care.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
[Medicine] A New Kind of (Blood) Farmer
A New Kind of (Blood) Farmer :
How DARPA (and Arteriocyte Medical Systems, Inc.) May Have Solved a Blood Crisis
I have delayed a post regarding this topic due to the nature of the topic as well as wanting to give my other posts a little more life on the front page. Since I've been getting back into the swing of writing after the holidays, I figured I'd cover my own perspective on the topic:
DARPA (The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency), an agency of the Department of Defense of the United States government, has "accidentally" figured out how to create red blood cells without a donor. Basically what this agency does is research and design advancements in technology (of all types) for military use. By researching the development of tissue generation through the use of umbilical stem cells (umbilical cord blood) they have figured out a way to create red blood cells without piping bags of blood out of a donor. Now, Arteriocyte is in the process of figuring out a way to make the process more voluminous. They can create red blood cells just fine. It's the volume of what they can produce at this point that is the problem... The DARPA expects Arteriocyte to be able to create a piece of equipment that can produce 100 units of blood a week for eight weeks in addition to being 47 cubic feet. Now, to me, 47 cubic feet seems to be a bit large; however, I guess if it's got a big medical symbol on it that will prevent it from being targeted by missiles and costing us a ton of money, right? :)
And now... my take:
Could you imagine people who go into operation that need blood transfusions having all of the necessary blood to keep them alive? How about eliminating the potential for cross-contamination, disease infected or "stale" blood available for patients in need? Or how about a time when we have transfusion/dialysis machines at home and need to swagger up to the local BloodBar and order a few pints to clean out the system? Ok, so perhaps the BloodBar example is a bit out there, but you get my point. The bottom line is this could be THE next big thing in the development of the medical field specifically and mankind in general. Sure, we can all have a nice, huge HDTV; however, blood is actually becoming more and more scarce (and expensive) as the levels of donation have dropped dramatically over the past 20 years.
I think that this could actually lead into some other advancements such as turning these stem cells into cells other than blood cells (think being able to grow a finger back or creating live prosthetics... as in... "You lose a limb, we can grow one for you"). This could go a long way towards branching what our body is capable of doing and what is medically possible.
Anyways, just a quick little post on something that I'd been wanting to talk about for weeks but didn't have the time to do. :)
Take care.
How DARPA (and Arteriocyte Medical Systems, Inc.) May Have Solved a Blood Crisis
I have delayed a post regarding this topic due to the nature of the topic as well as wanting to give my other posts a little more life on the front page. Since I've been getting back into the swing of writing after the holidays, I figured I'd cover my own perspective on the topic:
DARPA (The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency), an agency of the Department of Defense of the United States government, has "accidentally" figured out how to create red blood cells without a donor. Basically what this agency does is research and design advancements in technology (of all types) for military use. By researching the development of tissue generation through the use of umbilical stem cells (umbilical cord blood) they have figured out a way to create red blood cells without piping bags of blood out of a donor. Now, Arteriocyte is in the process of figuring out a way to make the process more voluminous. They can create red blood cells just fine. It's the volume of what they can produce at this point that is the problem... The DARPA expects Arteriocyte to be able to create a piece of equipment that can produce 100 units of blood a week for eight weeks in addition to being 47 cubic feet. Now, to me, 47 cubic feet seems to be a bit large; however, I guess if it's got a big medical symbol on it that will prevent it from being targeted by missiles and costing us a ton of money, right? :)
And now... my take:
Could you imagine people who go into operation that need blood transfusions having all of the necessary blood to keep them alive? How about eliminating the potential for cross-contamination, disease infected or "stale" blood available for patients in need? Or how about a time when we have transfusion/dialysis machines at home and need to swagger up to the local BloodBar and order a few pints to clean out the system? Ok, so perhaps the BloodBar example is a bit out there, but you get my point. The bottom line is this could be THE next big thing in the development of the medical field specifically and mankind in general. Sure, we can all have a nice, huge HDTV; however, blood is actually becoming more and more scarce (and expensive) as the levels of donation have dropped dramatically over the past 20 years.
I think that this could actually lead into some other advancements such as turning these stem cells into cells other than blood cells (think being able to grow a finger back or creating live prosthetics... as in... "You lose a limb, we can grow one for you"). This could go a long way towards branching what our body is capable of doing and what is medically possible.
Anyways, just a quick little post on something that I'd been wanting to talk about for weeks but didn't have the time to do. :)
Take care.
Monday, January 5, 2009
[Personal] Outside Opinions
Now, I am mentioning no names as to respect the other party in the scenario. I doubt she'd ever read this (nor any of my real life friends); however, if she does manage to find me sometime I hope she knows how special she is to me and realizes that this is my way of getting things out so as to not make other people "in" on her business.
So, I imagine I could get some personal opinions of some of my users (either through comments or through direct message to me) and perhaps give an alternative perspective on my current situation... So here it goes.
I met a woman a few months ago (we had known each other; however, neither of us was single when we initially met the first time. The second time I "met" her she wasn't with anyone, but I respected the fact that she potentially had a mate and as such maintained my personal distance). Ok, so anyways. We have been very cozy for the last few months. She's been rather distant as far as her conscious mind is concerned due to her own reasons of one way or another. Subconsciously she sends all of the standard attractions signs. She has also stated that she is sexually attracted to me but that she has to figure some things out for herself before she "even thinks about a relationship." I've been very supportive with this and explained that we were just getting to know each other and that it was perfectly ok (and it is) that she needs to work things out. I understand how that is and have had to go through similar processes. We have talked about it several times and I have reassured her that there is no rush. No hurry. No need to think about anything other than RIGHT NOW at this point. That I understood that she was trying to change the way she typically rushed into a relationship only to be let down.
Ok, so here's the twist: After our first date, I politely asked her if I could kiss her. She got bashful and declined, saying that she didn't want to "lead me on." She apologized profusely and said that she didn't want to make me feel awkward or whatnot. I explained to her that I didn't feel awkward at all and that I respected her option of refraining from it. Well, a week or so later I had spoken to one of my female friends (who happens to be the one that we met through). She had told her "Why did he have to ask? Why couldn't he have just done it?" It was as though she was gun shy; however, she wanted it to happen and must have felt put on the spot (NEVER the intention when I ask. Always intending to be respectful and not forceful).
Ok, so all along we'd been hanging out regularly and had been cozy but not having crossed that boundary. Once I heard what I heard I had decided that I would have to take initiative. As we lay on the couch watching tv (yes, we have been THAT cozy, just no intimate interaction). I turn her towards me and passionately kiss her for the rest of the evening (again, restraining myself as to not push but still being very romantic and caring).
Fast forward two months (well, a month and a half... I got two paragraphs down and realized I missed out on something!). Very similar interactions occurring off and on... Not something I try every time we are together but I still flirt, tease and play my part (of course). She hands me a Christmas card that tells me a lot of wonderful things about how appreciative she is that I'm in her life and that she really appreciates me being patient with her.
Ok, so a couple of days before NYE we had hung out and I had snagged her in the kitchen and kissed her passionately, which she returned in kind. She then gave me a very lovingly smile and says "We have a very weird relationship. We're friends but we kiss and make out and stuff, but we're not together." I replied to her, "That's ok with me. And you know why it's ok to me? Because I understand where you are and I'm ok with that."
So, NYE comes and I get an invite for her and me to go out with common friends. When I invite her she says "only if my New Years kiss is from you." Ok, so I'm thinking, "Well of course that's the only way I'd have it." So we go out and we have a blast. That evening as I was about to leave her home I initiated affection towards her. We kissed for several minutes at the door and I walked her over to the couch. After about two minutes she directs me to her bedroom. Needless to say the evening ended with a very pleasant surprise for the both of us. I'll elaborate no more so as to not embarrass or disrespect the female in question. She's a wonderful woman and the time we had together was very nice.
Now here's where it gets a bit odd... So after we are together and I lay there with her for a bit (a very gentle, intimate embrace) she tells me that she really wants me to stay with her but doesn't know if she'll be able to sleep (she's been single for a few months and has built up a habit of sleeping alone. Something I've very familiar with). I explained to her that I was ok with that. I lay there for a bit with her snuggled up against me and her head on my arm. She nods in and out for about a half hour and I decide it's likely time for me to head out. I get up to leave her house at just short of 3am and clothe myself. After I get dressed I grab her robe and wrap it around her as she gets up to lock the door behind me as always.
So the next couple of days she keeps her distance and I do not see her in person. She's being quite quiet and after the second day I decide that I'm just going to give her her space and see how she is the next day. This doesn't mean we didn't text or talk; however, I definitely sensed something different about how she was acting.
By the third day I decide to text her and see what's going on. I end up heading over to her house and we have a good time hanging out and talking. We begin to talk about how she was doing and she admitted that she was worried and that that was why she had been acting weird. When I asked her what she was worried about she says "I just didn't want it to change things. I really appreciate your friendship and I really value you and you know I'm not ready for a relationship right now. That I have things I need to work through." I told her that as I had said from the first day that I understood where she was and what she was going through and that I was ok with it. We had joked about it off and on for the next 15-20 minutes at which point while she was putting on her jacket I grabbed her lapels and gently but firmly pushed her up against the wall. I told her that I "would still flirt with her and push my limits and show her affection." She smiled. I kissed her gently twice. She smiled again with her loving smile and I patted her on her rear and sent her towards the garage (we were headed out there to get some of her Christmas boxes down so she could pack back up).
That was yesterday. Today seems back to relatively normal.
As I said before, I'm sure I will receive perspective and opinions either publicly through comments or privately through direct contact. I'm ok with that and I guess that's really why I posted this in the first place. I'm a very passionate, loving, caring and chivalrous man (yes, I still believe in opening doors). I believe in loving those around you in any manner feasible and in sharing that love with them and others. Perhaps that is why I allow my heart to become so melded with others and choose to be straight forward, no lies or hiding of things and allow people to be who they are and love them for who they are.
All in all this is going to be a very difficult blog for me to post. Not just because of the woman in question but also because this blog is linked to my myspace profile of which my ex-lover is still a friend on. All but my ex-wife (not the same person), I am friends with all of my previous girlfriends and lovers and have tried very hard to maintain a loving relationship with the latest one. A year and a half later I was still in love with her and I had thought she with I. It wasn't until I came back from my holiday trip to CA that I found out that she was becoming involved with a friend of mine... Or rather, a person who was a friend before he excommunicated me from his life along with the rest of his friends a few years ago. Either way, I guess getting that news (she actually asked me if I was ok with it. Does she really expect me to be "ok" with it?) pushed me the last bit away. I really don't know if I would have been able to be with the new woman had we not made the severance a month or so before this (I had been very open and honest with her about the new girl; however, there was always a very close, loving connection between my ex and I).
I still love her and always will and it pains me to think that we may never be together forever like we had planned; however, I'd have to say that if that's what is going to make her happy then that is what she needs to do.
Ok, so enough GD rambling...
Have I been cursed to semi-friendship forever or have I been blessed with someone who really is trying to change the way she enters meaningful relationships? I typically don't EVER reveal ANY of my personal goings on out of respect for others. I also don't plan on this being up longer than a day or two just to see the response. After that point, I'll probably truncate the post and remove much of the details. I look forward to hearing some other opinions.
Take care.
So, I imagine I could get some personal opinions of some of my users (either through comments or through direct message to me) and perhaps give an alternative perspective on my current situation... So here it goes.
I met a woman a few months ago (we had known each other; however, neither of us was single when we initially met the first time. The second time I "met" her she wasn't with anyone, but I respected the fact that she potentially had a mate and as such maintained my personal distance). Ok, so anyways. We have been very cozy for the last few months. She's been rather distant as far as her conscious mind is concerned due to her own reasons of one way or another. Subconsciously she sends all of the standard attractions signs. She has also stated that she is sexually attracted to me but that she has to figure some things out for herself before she "even thinks about a relationship." I've been very supportive with this and explained that we were just getting to know each other and that it was perfectly ok (and it is) that she needs to work things out. I understand how that is and have had to go through similar processes. We have talked about it several times and I have reassured her that there is no rush. No hurry. No need to think about anything other than RIGHT NOW at this point. That I understood that she was trying to change the way she typically rushed into a relationship only to be let down.
Ok, so here's the twist: After our first date, I politely asked her if I could kiss her. She got bashful and declined, saying that she didn't want to "lead me on." She apologized profusely and said that she didn't want to make me feel awkward or whatnot. I explained to her that I didn't feel awkward at all and that I respected her option of refraining from it. Well, a week or so later I had spoken to one of my female friends (who happens to be the one that we met through). She had told her "Why did he have to ask? Why couldn't he have just done it?" It was as though she was gun shy; however, she wanted it to happen and must have felt put on the spot (NEVER the intention when I ask. Always intending to be respectful and not forceful).
Ok, so all along we'd been hanging out regularly and had been cozy but not having crossed that boundary. Once I heard what I heard I had decided that I would have to take initiative. As we lay on the couch watching tv (yes, we have been THAT cozy, just no intimate interaction). I turn her towards me and passionately kiss her for the rest of the evening (again, restraining myself as to not push but still being very romantic and caring).
Fast forward two months (well, a month and a half... I got two paragraphs down and realized I missed out on something!). Very similar interactions occurring off and on... Not something I try every time we are together but I still flirt, tease and play my part (of course). She hands me a Christmas card that tells me a lot of wonderful things about how appreciative she is that I'm in her life and that she really appreciates me being patient with her.
Ok, so a couple of days before NYE we had hung out and I had snagged her in the kitchen and kissed her passionately, which she returned in kind. She then gave me a very lovingly smile and says "We have a very weird relationship. We're friends but we kiss and make out and stuff, but we're not together." I replied to her, "That's ok with me. And you know why it's ok to me? Because I understand where you are and I'm ok with that."
So, NYE comes and I get an invite for her and me to go out with common friends. When I invite her she says "only if my New Years kiss is from you." Ok, so I'm thinking, "Well of course that's the only way I'd have it." So we go out and we have a blast. That evening as I was about to leave her home I initiated affection towards her. We kissed for several minutes at the door and I walked her over to the couch. After about two minutes she directs me to her bedroom. Needless to say the evening ended with a very pleasant surprise for the both of us. I'll elaborate no more so as to not embarrass or disrespect the female in question. She's a wonderful woman and the time we had together was very nice.
Now here's where it gets a bit odd... So after we are together and I lay there with her for a bit (a very gentle, intimate embrace) she tells me that she really wants me to stay with her but doesn't know if she'll be able to sleep (she's been single for a few months and has built up a habit of sleeping alone. Something I've very familiar with). I explained to her that I was ok with that. I lay there for a bit with her snuggled up against me and her head on my arm. She nods in and out for about a half hour and I decide it's likely time for me to head out. I get up to leave her house at just short of 3am and clothe myself. After I get dressed I grab her robe and wrap it around her as she gets up to lock the door behind me as always.
So the next couple of days she keeps her distance and I do not see her in person. She's being quite quiet and after the second day I decide that I'm just going to give her her space and see how she is the next day. This doesn't mean we didn't text or talk; however, I definitely sensed something different about how she was acting.
By the third day I decide to text her and see what's going on. I end up heading over to her house and we have a good time hanging out and talking. We begin to talk about how she was doing and she admitted that she was worried and that that was why she had been acting weird. When I asked her what she was worried about she says "I just didn't want it to change things. I really appreciate your friendship and I really value you and you know I'm not ready for a relationship right now. That I have things I need to work through." I told her that as I had said from the first day that I understood where she was and what she was going through and that I was ok with it. We had joked about it off and on for the next 15-20 minutes at which point while she was putting on her jacket I grabbed her lapels and gently but firmly pushed her up against the wall. I told her that I "would still flirt with her and push my limits and show her affection." She smiled. I kissed her gently twice. She smiled again with her loving smile and I patted her on her rear and sent her towards the garage (we were headed out there to get some of her Christmas boxes down so she could pack back up).
That was yesterday. Today seems back to relatively normal.
As I said before, I'm sure I will receive perspective and opinions either publicly through comments or privately through direct contact. I'm ok with that and I guess that's really why I posted this in the first place. I'm a very passionate, loving, caring and chivalrous man (yes, I still believe in opening doors). I believe in loving those around you in any manner feasible and in sharing that love with them and others. Perhaps that is why I allow my heart to become so melded with others and choose to be straight forward, no lies or hiding of things and allow people to be who they are and love them for who they are.
All in all this is going to be a very difficult blog for me to post. Not just because of the woman in question but also because this blog is linked to my myspace profile of which my ex-lover is still a friend on. All but my ex-wife (not the same person), I am friends with all of my previous girlfriends and lovers and have tried very hard to maintain a loving relationship with the latest one. A year and a half later I was still in love with her and I had thought she with I. It wasn't until I came back from my holiday trip to CA that I found out that she was becoming involved with a friend of mine... Or rather, a person who was a friend before he excommunicated me from his life along with the rest of his friends a few years ago. Either way, I guess getting that news (she actually asked me if I was ok with it. Does she really expect me to be "ok" with it?) pushed me the last bit away. I really don't know if I would have been able to be with the new woman had we not made the severance a month or so before this (I had been very open and honest with her about the new girl; however, there was always a very close, loving connection between my ex and I).
I still love her and always will and it pains me to think that we may never be together forever like we had planned; however, I'd have to say that if that's what is going to make her happy then that is what she needs to do.
Ok, so enough GD rambling...
Have I been cursed to semi-friendship forever or have I been blessed with someone who really is trying to change the way she enters meaningful relationships? I typically don't EVER reveal ANY of my personal goings on out of respect for others. I also don't plan on this being up longer than a day or two just to see the response. After that point, I'll probably truncate the post and remove much of the details. I look forward to hearing some other opinions.
Take care.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)